ADHD and the Impact of Negative Feedback

Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is often thought of as simply a disorder of inattention or hyperactivity by the average person. However, ADHD is actually a disorder of overall regulation. This results in trouble directing attention, hyperactivity, impulsive behavior, and strong emotional reactions. These symptoms have the potential to bring a broad spectrum of challenges. What can make things even more complicated is navigating these challenges with a regular stream of negative feedback coming from seemingly all directions.

Decision Making

Let’s face it: it can be incredibly frustrating and confusing to try and wrap your mind around witnessing and understanding how the same problems and decisions are made repeatedly, even in the face of negative consequences. Your child forgets their homework multiple times a week, no matter how many times you tell them to prepare ahead of time.

The first thing to understand is that emotions and decision making are both tied to the working memory. Working memory allows you to plan, monitor, and self-regulate. Because a large part of ADHD is an impaired working memory, it can be particularly difficult to access past experiences and lessons learned in order to make a different choice. The ADHD brain tries to live in the moment, often guided by the feelings occurring then and there. 

Feeling particularly driven by emotions in the now, and having an impaired ability to slow down or play the tape forward, causes people with ADHD to be more prone to repeating actions that have resulted undesirably in the past. Interestingly enough (and seemingly contradictory), they are also able to look back and explain why there was a better option they could have chosen to respond with. This is because individuals with ADHD can think through actions and consequences when they are calm and regulated. After the fact, they have the hindsight to guide behaviors that were not accessible to them in the moment.

Observers might feel frustrated or anxious with how simple it seems at face value to predict the outcome of these decisions. If you add to the fact that the person with ADHD can also reflect on what happened and identify what went wrong and what can be done differently in the future, it’s no wonder why people, who aren’t familiar with how ADHD can affect decision-making abilities, tend to fill in the blanks with their own assumptions. 

Mistakes

Mistakes are an unavoidable part of life that we all experience. For those with ADHD, mistakes tend to happen more often and in more places. They might start to notice that these mistakes happen more often compared to their peers, or that some of their mistakes are more consequential than those around them. These mistakes can come in the form of losing personal belongings, making excessive errors on homework, interrupting during conversations, having sudden anger outbursts, procrastinating, or blurting out something offensive to a friend. 

These mistakes are often misunderstood, which can result in other people writing them off as lazy, careless, or incompetent. Furthermore, there can be a regular stream of natural consequences, such as being excluded from certain activities, losing friends, getting bad grades, criticism from parents and teachers, and so on.

Because people with ADHD are prone to experiencing negative social or natural consequences so frequently, it is common for them to begin feeling nervous in situations where they might make a mistake or evoke a negative social reaction. It can be even more anxiety-provoking to feel like they can’t do anything about it, despite having a full understanding of how things have played out in the past while being unable to access that wisdom when it counts. 

The aftermath of this can cause them to internalize the seemingly endless barrage of negative social and experiential feedback, which can lead to the development of a low self-esteem and/or an anxiety disorder as they come up short of being able to explain why this is all happening. Just as others around them might be doing, they start to fill in the blanks with negative self-talk or labeling themselves.

Unfortunately, these consequences can only serve as counterproductive if the goal is to help them grow and learn to deal with all of the things that cause so much strife in so many parts of their lives. 

What can I do to help?

The good news is, that with enough time, unconditional love, and the right supports, people with ADHD can learn to manage their challenges on a daily basis and move on to live fulfilling lives, despite how long their struggles have gone on without proper intervention.

To start, parents, teachers, friends, and other prominent figures in their lives can learn all about ADHD, how it works, how it presents, and start to use this knowledge to see things from a new perspective. A greater understanding of how ADHD operates can allow people around them to approach things from a fresh, more supportive perspective. This could come in the form of introducing accommodations at school, a different approach to parenting, and/or introducing the individual to therapy. 

From there, it is crucial to help create a more supportive environment, where they can start to identify what is causing so much of their strife, learn about how their brains work, and start practicing new ways to cope or manage their symptoms. In therapy, they can start to challenge the negative self-talk and learn to accept and love themselves unconditionally. This allows for the healing to begin from all that was internalized before everyone knew what was really going on or knew how to help.

Keep in mind that having ADHD may make it harder to engage in certain behaviors, but it doesn’t make them impossible. The first step is recognizing the difficulties and getting support. The next step is accepting that support. With support from within and from the important people in their lives, individuals with ADHD can start to apply new skills and make meaningful changes in their lives. All of the good feelings that come along with better experiences through applying what they’ve learned can spark the motivation to continue to grow and set them on course for a life full of love, fulfillment, and achieving their dreams. 

If you or your child are needing support in managing the symptoms of ADHD, reach out to our team for a complimentary consultation call.